There is something about me that draws the attentions and affections of emo men. And I swear, none of them started out that way when I develop these relationships, and I'm pretty sure I'm not at least the *main* reason why they go all emotionally whiney. I'm not even a minor reason -for the most part. But they all go whiney-emo on me well after we've broken up. If this is what comes from remaining friends/friendly/on good terms with your ex-s, then I might have to reconsider some decisions I've made in my life about being a mature adult. Because seriously? This emo ex-boyfriend stuff is really wearing me down. And since my life is actually in a pretty good place right now, it's also really.... what's a non-70s stoner expression for "harshing my buzz"? Bumming me out? No, that's not much better. Killjoy? Dampening my spirit? No, what they're doing is worse. They're doing the emotional equivalent of popping a squat over my parade.
And I'm not having it.
First there was G, who was always a bit of a brooding-intellectual type when I met him, granted, but now whenever we speak, it's always negative, and often not really intellectual at all. No, where there is ridiculous levels of emo-ness, intellect cannot survive.
The opening of every conversation we've had over the past year and a half has been him harshly chastizing me for not answering his calls. He then proceeds to spend the next hour on the phone making me feel guilty, being intensely negative and/or depressing, and wanting to pick apart the minute details of various dreary and negatively nostalgic topics such as why we never worked out as a couple, why I don't open up to him more, and why he was such a terrible person to me and to a lesser extent, everyone else. Oh, and there was a series of really angry, bitter texts somewhere along the way as well.
Yeah, dude, maybe if you made our conversations less of a to-be-avoided-at-all-costs emo-whinefest, I'd answer the phone every once in a while, mmkay? But actually, he's not my main concern anymore, because I moved on with my life and now he's not speaking to me at all. Score? I'm not sure. But at least I don't have the aggravation of someone trying to make me feel guilty for finally refusing to help shoulder the weight of his own emotional burdens.
But now there's T, who's currently the first of my long-time friends to be getting divorced, an especially high honor considering 99% of them aren't married yet. He got married despite her family, his family, and most of their friends knowing (and many even vocally stating) that the marriage was a bad idea. But hey, what do we know? It probably made them feel all the more like star-crossed lovers, destined to be together despite all impediments. Except that didn't really work out for Romeo and Juliet or for T and his high-maintenance bride. Or for any star-crossed lovers, really, now that I think about it. Damn those stars, they have too much time on their hands.
Anyway, apparently, I was one of the only people to put deep personal reservations aside and simply wish him well instead of trying to convince him to wait or talk him out of it. And for that bit of Being a Good Friend 101, now he feels I'm the only person he can talk to about the collapse of said relationship. And now he calls frequently when he's in the area, voice heavy with emo tears, deep, drawn-out sighs, and melancholy "oh nothing"s when I ask what's wrong.
Last time he was in town, he even saw fit to blame me for his divorce, because "if we were still I wouldn't be getting a divorce." Hahaha. Haha. Ha. Ha. No, if we were still together it would mean a freak-accident had at some point rendered me braindead. Because really? He really is a great guy, but we were -and now are even more- completely, totally wrong for each other. Only, he doesn't see it that way. But at least he knows I'm happily involved and is in too much pain (and hopefully has too much sense) to try to go back almost ten years in time to try to rekindle a fire loooong burned out.
But still. What's with all the guilt being thrown my way? For the first time, in certain respects, I'm happier than I ever thought I'd be, and all of a sudden everyone decides a happy person is the perfect target for their emo-unburdening? Maybe they think someone with extra happy can handle some of their excess sad? I don't get it. And now that T is back in the area, the latest round of calls has already begun. Today's call count? Four. Three of which went unanswered because I may be stupid for putting up with all this, but I'm not THAT stupid.
Kofta with Yogurt-Tahini Sauce
1 day ago