other fish in the sea

I've had previous long-term relationships before. He has not. And this worries me, because something about this, about him, feels very different. Potential isn't exactly the right word, but for the first time I've met someone that I involuntarily picture myself with in five months, in five years, in five.... well, you see where I'm going with this. And if you know me at all, you must know that I am officially scared shitless. Part of me wishes he'd dated more,so that one day he won't wake up wishing he'd "tested the waters" a bit more before being rushed to the altar by yours truly. (I hope I don't have to remind you that last bit was indeed facetious.)But I do feel something truly serious developing between us, and to take his word at face value, he does too. But I know I wouldn't have been ready for this relationship at twenty, and I'm secretly skeptical that he is. Instead, I keep picturing him as a lovestruck youngin' who only thinks it's love because it's the first time he's been serious with someone. And I'm probably doing him a great disservice to have these persistant thoughts, but I can't help being scared that that is the case. Because I so desperately hope it's not.

And I haven't had a place for hope in my life for a long time.

And by way of apology- I'm sorry. Some fears are just easier to share with my text editor.


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